On Love, Illusions and Breaking-Up

 

Photo by David Kovalenko on Unsplash

It’s a funny thing to recognise, when you do recognise, that our entire lives, we harbour this illusion of loving someone and then during later times, loving them no more; when in fact we never love them love them. Except on rare occurrences, what we do is, we love ourselves, we fall in love with the way we are being treated, with our feelings, the way we feel in their company, the way we make ourselves feel in their company. And our emotions, the intricate chemical reactions and nerve firings in our brain are our own creation out of our own fancied realities. These realities on most occasions are built upon innocent lies that we create out of our own volition. We create these images of the people we love. We tell ourselves how they are and how they are not; whether they are how we tell ourselves as they are is true or not becomes trivial as long as our illusionary reality sails through this phantasm with slight obliging aberrations. And the world thereby sails smooth. However one day, the actual being, our true self, draws upon us, it arrives knocking on our doors in a way that is no more avoidable, and it smashes our imagined reality. And we say we have fallen out of love, when in fact, it is just the imagined reality that has been disrupted. It isn’t the love that has fallen out of place rather the fancied reality that has been disclosed.

We don’t just construct this lie or imagined reality about others but also about our own self. We all have a very high impression of ourselves. Very few can see through our own hypocrisy, lies and dichotomous lives that we live. While originally, we are cognizant of our lies but as their regularity progresses, you start to believe in them, and eventually you create a version of yourself so removed from your reality that you not just believe but now defend to emulate them. So you tell yourself you love someone, you tell yourself you are happy, you tell yourself so many things and all this works for most of the people most of the times. But for those whom it does not, things come tumbling. For instance, some experience trauma, anxieties and worse, and they dutifully seek help. However, before the therapist they confide in, they end up sitting and talking about their imagined characters and not themselves. A therapist can’t help you unless she knows who you are and what you are going through. You can’t and should not act at a therapist or doctor for that matter. By doing this we end up with our tottering selves where we know we are torn and something isn’t right but we cannot see what it is for we fail to see through the facade that we have created around ourselves, we miss to off the lights and see for once our true bodies. And so, our actions, own deceptions walk us to our graves before we could even realise it.