To Love And Have Sex Is One Thing, To Marry Whole Another

Our society and brain has a thing where it makes you think you are in love when you are not. It forces you into finding that person, to fall in love, propose because that’s what ‘all’ do at this age. You may be comfortable and enjoy someone’s company but partner? That’s whole different stuff. Love doesn’t need to occur to you just because it occurred to your friend.

Here’s one such story. Read to know as they narrate their tale.

SHE

It all began in the college. Wait, not college but in school itself. Yes, it’s that old. I don’t remember who started it first. Given the fact that I was kind of recluse and shy back in those days (and still I’m. Don’t I?), we can safely say it was him. He was from a rich family, so was I. He was flamboyant, I was no less. I don’t know about perfect match but we were quite of a character back in the days. Our other classmates used to envy our households — born with a silver spoon if you may. It was certain for both of us to call ourselves made-for-each-other. Did we understand what it meant back then? Perhaps not. ‘Couples’ were in ‘style’ back then. And there was no other ‘equal’ in whole class for us to pair with. You see, wealth comes with few restrictions as well. You might have heard how in India ‘couples’ are made to tie their knot in arranged marriages. Wealth at times makes you blind to see any other choice you’ve as a partner. It funnels your choices, it blinds you to look at your favorable mates through the glass of society. If you think, it makes your future easy. An upper class falling for lower class, a poor to rich, or any such couple with contrasting backgrounds most of the time ends up facing odds that they have to deal later. Love they say, just happens. And once it happens, you just go dive on to that steep slope from where there’s no return. Albeit the one with heartbreaks which of course are harsh. We had no such. We, in our individual capacities had planned everything in advance. We planned intuitively to fall for each other because we together had future. We assumed. You see it’s not that bad. Arrange marriages are meant for couples to find love after knots have been tied, here we were committing ourselves on our own before finding love. Hey, if arrange married couples can find love, we too can.

So we fell in love; Calculated love. We both roamed cities, went for walks, shared ice creams, exchanged gifts, he recharged my phone and scores of other things. Everything you see in those over-the-top romantic movies, we tried. We fell in love with ourselves. We did. Or we at least believed we did. It’s kind of a cool thing to be couple in college days. And we were that cool couple. He brought fancy bike every other year and we went on drives with every eye from college observing with envy at us. In those outings sometimes he made pass at me. I responded. In movies also they did these stuff. They kissed on cheeks. We kissed on lips as well. He wasn’t a pro I can say for I didn’t felt the way the hero from that movie felt when he touched his love interest’s lips. But we did. There were times when he signaled he wanted more. But like a typical Indian girl that I was, I refused. I said, let’s do it only when we get married. He was kind. He obliged. We both were happy for ourselves. We really wanted to get married. We wanted to try things we didn’t got to try. We wanted to get married.

He

She was beautiful. I wasn’t any less either. Remember that boy gang from college who hit gym for those gains that made their shirts swell. I was gang leader of one such. I enjoyed her company. I enjoyed the envious eyes that were passed at me. Girls of my class wanted to date me. Who doesn’t want to sit behind fancy bikes? Expensive gifts? Have her phone recharged regularly? It’s not that I hated any of that part. I did enjoy. She was every boy’s dream in my classroom. We had our crush on other girls and constantly flirted with them but they weren’t as natural as her. She didn’t wear any makeup except for the glossy lip color. Despite she looked more beautiful than others. The possibility that we both could fall in love in school and college, and get married successfully with null or minimal family opposition was always present somewhere in our mind. We were calculative lovers. It made sense to both of us. We didn’t talked about this meaninglessness though. We talked about romance, love, partner for seven births and such. My friends knew I loved her. But my family didn’t. But I knew all along that someday I have to tell them.

One fine day, I let our decision slip into family conversation. There was slight surprise and arguments but it didn’t took me hard to convince them once they knew whose daughter are they going to receive in their home as daughter-in-law. It finally made the cut and we tied the knot in a spectacle of a wedding. There were people all around the place. Crowd and crowd and crowd. But in our heads there was silence. Our thoughts were running on one way street. We would get to attempt that one thing we both agreed to delay until married. Did I say we? Well, it’s she!

SHE

I don’t know why our films have obsessed us about sex on same day as marriage. You get tired of elaborate ceremonies all day. Actually, from many days. But anyhow, this was the day we both agreed years ago. It was D-day. No, we didn’t plan for family planning or how we were going to lead our lives rest of the life. You see, we had huge sums in our parents’ bank accounts. Our life was set. Coming to the present day and not going into any finer details of the night, we did it. We did it finally. It was good. He was good. He didn’t seem any novice. He didn’t seemed quite the kind of guy my friends who had attempted D-day before marriage. He was my honey pie. He was great.

HE

She was looking bright as sun kissed calendar model that day. The flesh in her body was in some healthy weight unlike those zero-weight models. I loved her for who she was. She was perfect for me. And today was an important day. Without any more wait, let me tell you, the sex was good. She almost entirely submitted to me. I was shocked in the beginning for sometime but hey, this was D-day. I performed like a pro. I love my wife. I love her.

SHE

I loved him as well. He was great in all aspects. He worked tirelessly in his father’s business and as time passed. I came to know I was pregnant. To begin with, vomiting brought the early signs. I vomited and vomited whatever I ate. My taste buds had gone for their prized holiday. The food had lost its taste entirely. Everything tasted same and everything that I ate came out. I lost interest in food that I once cherished to pick in my plate. I stopped eating for a while. I wanted him by my side. He was not free on the other hand. He was busy with his work.

HE

She refused to eat anything. I brought fruits when she said the regular everyday food started to make her go yuck. I asked her what she wanted. She said nothing. She just stopped taking any food. For three continuous days, she refused to eat. It angered me. It angered my family as well. But there was nothing we could do. We don’t wanted to force her into eating what she wanted not. I was clueless. And on forth day morning, she fell unconscious on ground. I knew in heart of my heart that this was coming. I knew. Doctor was called, a small piercing was made on her hand for glucose to flow into her body. The sight was not so cheery. My wife and child inside her were both lying on bed, helpless. There was nothing I could do.

SHE

All hell broke lose the day I fell unconscious on ground. I didn’t wanted to fall. But I believe my body just didn’t knew my tongue and stomach’s resistance. Tongue was forcing me to have tasteless food while stomach refused to accommodate that food any longer. I was weak.

In this moment of need, I wanted my love to be at my side. I wanted him to console me. I wanted him to say how dearly he loved me at this raw moment. But I heard he was busy. He is busy.

HE

The sight at home was not what I could take. As usual there were parties that my friends went into. I tagged along. I danced with them. Did I forgot her? No. How could I? The thought of her lying on bed constantly worried me. Sometimes yes, I did forgot that sight but not longer. I danced to forget. But somewhere I was agitated. I didn’t liked sitting beside her anymore. She was no more the pretty girl I married. She was no more an adventure I agreed to. She no more could handle herself like the way she did. Something has changed. Something that I probably am ill-prepared for. I disliked this. I loved her no more, not in the way I did before.

SHE

Things had changed all of a suddenly. Or did I hit my head when I fall? I can’t think much. Lying on bed, all I could see from that opening in door was people passing by. The relatives coming and leaving. They had their pieces of advice which to be frank, didn’t made any sense to me. There were too many people around. Many who I can share my thoughts with. But sometimes you want what your heart desires. It doesn’t like substitutes howsoever better it may be. I wanted him. I wanted to feel the warmth his body gave. I wanted to lie beside him. But where was he?

All characters above are fictitious. Or are they? To be frank, they are not. I have seen a young couple go through this dilemma, if one can call it just that. It’s not factually their story but vaguely it is theirs and of many other young couple’s who fell in love for reasons they best know and jumped to conclusions because that’s how it worked for other person, or for that protagonist in that famous movie, or that’s how love happened between those two characters in that book. But my dear friend, love isn’t a magic potion or math formula, it doesn’t happen the way it happened to other one. Each one of us are different in our desires and needs; love is sum total of all things that we desire and things that we don’t, and for it to work one needs a partner who complements and shares certain thoughts. And remember always, not all chapters have happy endings, a book at end has; that person who didn’t turned out good might just be part of the bad chapter. Learn to move on. You’ll find your special one. I know it’s easy to say just that. But believe me, I’m not lying. You’ve to let go of your past if you want your future to embrace you. It’s hard I know, I also know it’s worth it. Give it a try…